im useless.
im crying over the phone, but no one cares, no one asked.
im alone, i have no one.
and yet, im waiting for a call, that will never come.

i cant stop crying.
FUCK. I NEED SERIOUS HELP. IM SERIOUS. save me... anyone, just help me get out of this mess.

saddest day.
saddest day of realization.
waited almost three hours. i did everythign i could. i sacrificed and i... i really really did all that i can.
i got nth in return.
when request for just an hour of attention, i got rejected. all i ask was one hour. is that rly too much to ask for?
im getting more and more pathetic.
i cried for the whole day. outside. didnt think it was embarrassing. i didnt care any longer. the pain in my heart is overwhelming. i really want to die. help me somebody. save me.

i want to end this. i just need courage. i cant bear it any longer.

Sometimes, i feel that i try too hard. Damn with it, i DO try too hard. In a lot of things i do, in many areas, and in CERTAIN area, i really try much much too hard. So hard that it's bad for me. I will become pathetic, seemingly desperate. But it's really more of pathetic. That's how i feel. Like seriously, I've to keep pushing and pushing, prompting and prompting. I'm too hard on myself. I'm tired of trying, im fed up, im angry, im pissed. But mostly, i feel very disappointed. Damn fcking disappointed. And when people are so laid back, I can still be so persistent. I really dislike laid back people, nor do i like people who can't make decisions quickly.

Yeah, i should stop trying. People are taking it, taking ME, for granted.

'She brushed some hair off her face and looked out into the middle-distance. “I love him, but I can’t get over what he did. That’s why I’m so angry with him. Because I still want him, and he ruined it.” '

my heart is wrenching out in pain.
i want this to work out, despite the hurt i've gone through, in which you never understood.

im a wreck. a total wreck.
save me somebody, please.

and i see piles of used tissue in front of me. it's just going to increase.

歌曲：妹妹
歌手：光良 专辑：童话

打印预览 你笑说风好大
没说两句话
泪就像雨落下
好好哭一哭有没有带走
眼里那颗沙
看着你在挣扎
还是爱着他
说什么话都多余啊
爱情像个长假
再美的回忆
结束了还是要回家
不管是苦涩还是甜蜜
忘了他他是个傻瓜
他不值得你
还为他流泪牵挂
有太多好男人是你的选择啊
想再看到你笑的灿烂如花
忘了他我的妹妹啊
虽然他也是
我最喜欢的朋友啊
我打算从此再也不见也不理会他
我们把他忘了吧

你说你不怪他
你还是会想他
对爱你已不再有想法
成长的痛苦
原来有那么多的代价

this.

彻底地失望.
Im really hurt, hurt beyond belief. The pain in my heart hurts me so much that its unbearable. i want to cry out loud, but i can only control and cry silently. The sky is dark. The darkest i ever seen. Coincidence? Not quite. It's really dark. The normal me would have gaze at it in wonder, this time? I have a strong urge to go out, walk under the rain, numb myself. I don't want to think, dont want to feel. I dont want to face anybody. I want to be alone. I need God. Maybe, God is trying to tell me smth, telling me to give up, telling me that once i let go, all the pain and hurt will be over. But I cant seem to do it. Im trying my hardest too, i cant. Im clinging on to it, this last hope, clinging on stupidly like a fool. I really cant take this anymore. God, please help me. Why is it so damn it difficult to let go? It's easy to end it all with just a few words. But i cant seem to do it. I cant. I've sunk in too deep. I cant get out, and nobody can save me. Nobody, not my friends not my family. Its just me and me alone. Depression. I'm getting it. I want to get it. i yearn for someone to care for me, truly care for me. I yearn for someone to understand me completely, comfort me and soothe me that everything will be alright, telling me that no matter what, they will be there for me. Always. I never knew, never expected, never realised that it had/has hit me so hard. It'll never be the same again. Not anymore. It's gone. Gone. The magic, the whole emotions and all. Gone. Never be the same again. Cold, hard truth. How many times have i tried to tell myself that everything will be alright, everythign will be alright. But in truth, i was just getting hurt repeatedly. Can't take this anymore. Can't pretend everything's alright.
I really am the biggest fool.

enough on emo posts. uh for now. i dont act emo. i cant even act emo. im always happy and high in sch. so i dont put on a show, esp not putting on an emo show. i just feel that me myself am gettin out of hand. my emotions and feelings are spiralling out of control. i feel as if i am almost going insane. its the turmoil inside me. yeah. i dont want to suffer from some depression or smth. so yeah. control. take things lightly. let go.
always easy to say. doing it seems miles away.

it hurts.

it hurts to know.
it hurts to realise that there are ppl arnd who thinks tht the papers are difficult and that they will scored badly, sharing the exact sentiments as you, but in the end, all ended up getting higher than me. it hurts, seriously. it may not be a big deal to you, but you're not the one who has that kind of marks. so easy for you to shrug it off and say its not impt and all that crap yknw. really, ppl shld stop saying they are scared of scoring badly and sayign the papers are tough, when deep inside them they knw they are perfectly capable of getting a high a1. because others, like me, feel cheated and whtever.

it hurts most.
it hurts most when you realised someone chose others over you, chose other people, for example, over you. thats the whole sickly hurtful feeling you'll get. it hurts most when someone, especially someone dear to you, chose other ppl over you. it hurts, it really does.


yeah i know. more demoralisation.

hmm. its late. and i dont wnat to blog. but i dont knw why i am here. strange. guess i rly do miss my blog. miss blogging on a daily basis. haha but it wont happen again. i wont go cuckoo over blogging. more on fictionpress or neopets. :p

right.

雨在下，人在哭。
天不是为我而下，而是和我一起哭。
i wonder why.

this is not the first time. neither will it be the last, sadly. its so hard to let go, so hard to just end it all. stupidity fills me. for what i've done, i feel like a fool. i should have known, should have realised, should have heeded those advice. but no, im sinking deeper and deeper into this miserable hole. believe? its tough. trust? not possible yet, not yet.
more abhorrence. im sick of this. tired and drained. im full of swear words i want to spit out. this is not me, and yet this is me. irony? not perhaps. i need a life, need to get away from this. all these unbearable bloody shit. its easy to see, easy to comment, easy to say, but not easy on the person whom you're saying to. you think its easy? not when you're not the person whos experiencing it. the emotional pain and all that emo crap. to say you understand and know is bullshit. i repeat, BULLSHIT. im being hateful. so? hate me then, get away from me. i've said time and time before, im sick and tired. now? its worse than that. im goign to get numb one of these days. numb until i cant even cry. for now, its just more crying. you think im acting emo? being emo? if you want to see emo, go see ppl whos cutting thier flesh up.

im this close to end this all.

Rachel
Craze SixTEEN
Radin Mas NYGH
LA Rep
TWENTYTWO.OHFOUR
SAYANG ME AT
rachel.0422@live.com

SINGING'S MY LIFE
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And love is in the air